I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
