from now on my penis is your penis
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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