I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
