a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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