if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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