I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
