did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
