the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
