how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
