this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
