So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
