I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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