how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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