I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
