Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i will never coherently bang her
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
