We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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