I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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