u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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