im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
