fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
