There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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