Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
