good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
