you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
