I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
either way he was missing a nipple.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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