Can Purell be used as lube?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
