ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
