Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
