I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
