Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
