you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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