did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
