3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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