I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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