It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
