Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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