you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
