if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my vag is so smooth its legendary
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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