hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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