If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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