My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
