We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
