Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
