How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
