I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
