in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
