dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
