1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he quoted the bible to break up with me
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
