now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
