It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
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Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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