Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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