why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
