Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Need sex. Gaining weight.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
