I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
