We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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