Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
