I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
