TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
