In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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