I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize