# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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