My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
