Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
