He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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