When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
