i would punch a child for taco bell
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
