He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
