She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
