u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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