If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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