so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes